On Conflict:

I’m going into my fourth week of an interim executive director engagement with a nonprofit that serves women through workforce and career development. The reason for the leadership gap is due to the untimely and unexpected passing of the executive director who had led the organization for the past 17 years. The team is incredibly lovely, and they have done a magnificent job of keeping the operations going in the four months since her passing with the dedicated support of the board of directors. In the midst of their beautiful effort and intention, there is inevitable conflict and necessary conflict strategies that need to be explored and examined.

My natural inclination is to implement rules and policies, identify gaps, and do what I know best: help folks navigate workplace transitions with a plethora of resources, templates, and proven solutions. Left unchecked, I default to resolute bossiness, a “Naomi knows best” attitude, and I ultimately shortchange the experience of growth and beauty that comes from facing conflict head on. When melding and weaving relationship into that experience (of facing conflict), the outcome is potentially messier and will likely take much longer, but is a much richer and liberatory in nature.

This work of leaving well and my leadership absolutely requires that I divest from supremacy culture (yep!) and relinquish control in that space of relationship-building and bridging trust.

This from the brilliant James-Olivia Chu Hillman:

Supremacy culture is exhausting, y’all. Especially when it’s me doing it.

The moment I hear myself thinking, “everyone just needs to [insert my self-righteous bullshit here],” I have an opportunity to have a good laugh at myself. (I have so many opportunities.)

Declaring my correctness without examining my impact (i.e. actively relating to difference) is one way I perpetuate supremacy culture and miss opportunities for connection & healing.

I am not here to do everyone else’s work, nor is everyone else here to do mine.

What is mine to do may be insufficient—it is still necessary, and it is mine. What is yours to do may be insufficient—it is still necessary, and it is yours.

I have a much more difficult time doing what is necessary and mine to do if I’m busy minding your business and directing what is yours to do.

That doesn’t mean you or I cannot lead, follow, influence, inspire, challenge, and question each other. It doesn’t mean we don’t declare our visions and desires in the world and gather in solidarity with those who want to go where we are going. It doesn’t mean we don’t shape each other’s thinking and impact each other’s experiences and actions by living in alignment with our commitments.

I mean to say that I only know the world from my necessarily limited perspective, and in order to recognize my impact on other beings, relationships, organizations, and systems to the greatest degree that is possible, I need engaged relationships and conversations with those in my wake, and cultivating those relationships and conversations is my responsibility.

Difference holds possibility. Right relationship nourishes. More you is better.

I invite you to reflect – right along with me – on how you handle conflict with the following questions:

✨Q1: What’s your conflict resolution gift and how does it work? (listening, empathy, honesty)

✨Q2: How has positional power influenced a past conflict you’ve been in? Think about either the positional power you’ve held or the person you were in conflict with [see this piece on power for more about positional power].

✨Q3: What’s one source of inspiration that has helped you resolve a conflict in the past? (mentors, colleagues, what you tell yourself when upset)

✨Q4: Who do you want to be inside conflict?

✨Q5: How will you consciously hold power & privilege in mind when conflict occurs?

✨Q6: How can you apply your reflections to a current conflict situation?

*I have looked all through my notes to find the source for the above questions, and I cannot locate the source. I have this resource noted from We Rise, and I believe there is a needed attribution to María Patricia Ardón Quezada, however I cannot find the precise source / credit information.

​

“The more you invoke kindness and care into your days, the more you heal. Love is a ritual that’s yours to perform.” - Chani Nicholas app

On Kindness:

I recently read this article from Bryan Robinson for Forbes, all about kindness becoming a workplace standard. Research from Beekman 1802 and Kindness.org, where 1,365 employees from companies such as Ulta Beauty, Nextdoor, Traackr, and Pura Vida, showed a direct link between kindness and overall job satisfaction and employee happiness. Kindness in the workplace does not equate to niceness, and shouldn’t be conflated as a mushy unnecessary action.

“As we spend so much of our adult lives at work, we believe fostering environments of kindness in the workplace will have profoundly positive ripple effects in all aspects of life,” Brent Ridge, co-founder of Beekman 1802. “Creating this first of-its-kind, scientifically validated tool for companies to measure kindness is a critical first step, and this ground-breaking research demonstrates its importance.”

I’d go a step further and state that workplaces that prioritize kindness in the process and policies of exits and employee transitions will also help improve retention numbers and bottom line data for companies.

​A study of 1,200 respondents conducted by the Born This Way Foundation (yep, Lady Gaga!) found that 77% of job seekers prioritize kindness in the workplace when applying for jobs, and 74% of respondents said it’s important to have a kind community in the workplace such as having managers check in on their team members for professional and personal support.

“When businesses invest in their employees through acts of appreciation, words of encouragement or making investments in their success, they build a culture where people take pride in their work and feel a sense of engagement and accountability,” according to co-founder and CEO of &Open, Jonathan Legge. “When companies fail to do that, employees will simply check-out.”

From the article by Robinson, “Kindness sends the message that employees are valued human beings, not just worker bees. It boosts safety and belonging, which in turn, improves job engagement, satisfaction and performance. When employees feel cared about, they engage in better teamwork, and they are creative risk takers, willing to stick their necks out and stretch beyond customary bounds. In a kind culture, workers tend to be masters of self-correction, good problem solvers and solution focused. What more would a company want from their employees when these qualities add up to raising the competitive edge and promoting the organization’s bottom line?”

→ What is your reaction to the correlation between kindness in the workplace and employee attraction / retention?

​

Recently Featured:

How do you know when it's time to leave the mission field? How do you do it well for yourself and your family? I was a recent guest on Sarita Hartz's podcast, talking about what it looks like to trust your gut in the leaving process, and how to navigate re-entry with your family ensuring you can thrive in this transition.